Vonkmetjam is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, awesome pigeon.

Vonkmetjam created snails two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkmetjam, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Vonkmetjam, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Vonkmetjam's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Vonkmetjam's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Always make sure there are no horses in a building before entering it.

5. Learn three new languages a year.