Kimtail is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, annoying tortoise.

Kimtail created gold seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kimtail, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Kimtail, it will turn you into a goat.

Kimtail's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Kimtail's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill eagles.

2. Kimtail loves snakes, so they must be respected.

3. Never think about ultrasonics near rats while wearing pink stockings and balancing six silver spheres on your hands.

4. Always help bats in need.

5. Never feed lots of cucumbers to aardvarks while wearing green kilts.