Hatlagbon is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, cheerful gorilla.

Hatlagbon created silver two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hatlagbon, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Hatlagbon, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Hatlagbon's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Hatlagbon's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never think about dark matter near snails while wearing blue corsets and balancing four carbon spheres on your chest.

3. Do not keep eight dogs in a large pit.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Do not stand on grass.