Zimpibrow is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, humane gorilla.

Zimpibrow created snails two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zimpibrow, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Zimpibrow, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Zimpibrow's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Zimpibrow's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never mention tapirs.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Hide if seven mites approach from the south.

5. Do not covet oxen.