Ladpommil is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, amazing jaguar.

Ladpommil created the cosmos two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ladpommil, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Ladpommil, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Ladpommil's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Ladpommil's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Never sit in the presence of cats.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Ladpommil.

4. Never eat strawberries.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.