Padlanged is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, thoughtless bat.

Padlanged created dark energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Padlanged, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Padlanged, it will turn you into a goat.

Padlanged's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Padlanged's Holy Commandments

1. Never run near horses.

2. Never talk about dark energy near mice while wearing white rings and balancing five lead spheres on your chest.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Always obey Padlanged's priests.

5. You must pray to Padlanged seven times a day.