Cublargjon is a god.

It takes the form of a large, resourceful dugong.

Cublargjon created water nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cublargjon, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Cublargjon, it will turn you into a goat.

Cublargjon's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Cublargjon's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not keep three great tits in a large pit.

3. Erect a large lead sculpture of Cublargjon on top of all buildings.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never look at black holes.