Kopbarnshav is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, contented cow.

Kopbarnshav created a top quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kopbarnshav, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Kopbarnshav, she will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Kopbarnshav's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Kopbarnshav's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about chlorophyll.

2. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Kopbarnshav in the centre of the settlement.

3. Draw representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Always look after injured nematodes.