Tappinkem is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, ill-tempered mouse.

Tappinkem created gold eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tappinkem, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tappinkem, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Tappinkem's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Tappinkem's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never eat apples.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

4. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a building before entering it.

5. Never talk about thermodynamics near gulls while wearing green stockings and balancing nine iron spheres on your head.