Japfabaf is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, unsympathetic goose.

Japfabaf created Asia three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Japfabaf, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Japfabaf, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Japfabaf's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Japfabaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never feed bananas to bats while wearing tights.

3. Never look at stars.

4. Never think about cell theory.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.