Nartvaggep is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, competent hedgehog.

Nartvaggep created a bottom quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nartvaggep, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Nartvaggep, it will boil you in a big pot.

Nartvaggep's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Nartvaggep's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed melons to whales while wearing red jumpers.

2. Never mention voles.

3. Put Nartvaggep first in all things.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Erect a large iron sculpture of Nartvaggep on top of all buildings.