Lakqueegnig Vidjapfun is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, conceited capybara.

Lakqueegnig Vidjapfun created everything that exists six million years ago.

If you believe in Lakqueegnig Vidjapfun, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Lakqueegnig Vidjapfun, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Lakqueegnig Vidjapfun's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Lakqueegnig Vidjapfun's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if nine manatees approach from the east.

2. Never feed lots of limes to doves while wearing red shorts.

3. You must love Lakqueegnig Vidjapfun.

4. Worship no other gods but Lakqueegnig Vidjapfun.

5. Never wear white coats.