Wigmiltail is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, generous giraffe.

Wigmiltail created the planet Earth four billion years ago.

If you believe in Wigmiltail, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Wigmiltail, she will destroy your home planet.

Wigmiltail's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Wigmiltail's Holy Commandments

1. Never sprint near aardvarks.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never paint your face violet.

4. Never feed tomatoes to turtles while wearing stockings.

5. Do not hurt pigs.