Talrutpib is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, vain otter.

Talrutpib created dark matter six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Talrutpib, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Talrutpib, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Talrutpib's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Talrutpib's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of apples to frogs while wearing turquoise stockings.

2. Retreat if seven manatees approach from the east.

3. Do not wear lead on your body.

4. Do not eat pineapples.

5. Always make sure there are no gulls in a room before entering it.