Tanyarparpmifgupdossgon Woncantail is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, irritating swallow.

Tanyarparpmifgupdossgon Woncantail created snails three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tanyarparpmifgupdossgon Woncantail, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tanyarparpmifgupdossgon Woncantail, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Tanyarparpmifgupdossgon Woncantail's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Tanyarparpmifgupdossgon Woncantail's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat coconuts.

2. You must pray to Tanyarparpmifgupdossgon Woncantail four times a day.

3. Never think about fluid mechanics near otters while wearing red shorts and balancing nine iron spheres on your head.

4. Never go into fawn rooms.

5. Do not stand on grass.