Bissartlarnzan is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, slow sheep.

Bissartlarnzan created the Andromeda Galaxy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bissartlarnzan, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bissartlarnzan, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Bissartlarnzan's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Bissartlarnzan's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Bissartlarnzan five times a day.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. You must never eat turnips.

4. Never think about chromosomes.

5. Do not stand on grass.