Flanrilwit is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, selfish gorilla.

Flanrilwit created a photon seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flanrilwit, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Flanrilwit, he will turn you into a mole.

Flanrilwit's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Flanrilwit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in fawn rooms.

2. Never think ill of sick rats.

3. Never feed beans to frogs while wearing brown shoes.

4. Do not eat spinach.

5. Always wear green.