Hab Gidcarcim Nartdibgilvad is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, merciless cobra.

Hab Gidcarcim Nartdibgilvad created water eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Hab Gidcarcim Nartdibgilvad, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Hab Gidcarcim Nartdibgilvad, he will turn you into a mole.

Hab Gidcarcim Nartdibgilvad's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Hab Gidcarcim Nartdibgilvad's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Hab Gidcarcim Nartdibgilvad.

2. Never mention frogs.

3. Never sit near manatees.

4. Do not dye your hair pink.

5. Do not hurt swans.