Gigvaglun is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, loving tapir.

Gigvaglun created the cosmos eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gigvaglun, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Gigvaglun, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Gigvaglun's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Gigvaglun's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from turquoise gulls, for they are unholy.

2. Erect a giant green sculpture of Gigvaglun in the centre of the settlement.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gigvaglun.

4. Never hurt grasshopers.

5. Always look after injured badgers.