Hapbagfly is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, prudent armadillo.

Hapbagfly created water eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Hapbagfly, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Hapbagfly, she will turn you into a tree.

Hapbagfly's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Hapbagfly's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about moths.

2. Erect seven tin sculptures of Hapbagfly on top of important buildings.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Retreat if four whales approach from the south.

5. Never feed onions to birds while wearing violet boots.