Febvonkart is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, annoying hydra.

Febvonkart created viruses seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Febvonkart, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Febvonkart, it will turn you into a mouse.

Febvonkart's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Febvonkart's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from turquoise rats for they are unholy.

2. Erect seven carbon sculptures of Febvonkart on top of important buildings.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate pigs.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never pour water over plants.