Tarkabxen Ladboptamhap is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, all-knowing raven.

Tarkabxen Ladboptamhap created viruses seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarkabxen Ladboptamhap, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tarkabxen Ladboptamhap, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Tarkabxen Ladboptamhap's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Tarkabxen Ladboptamhap's Holy Commandments

1. Horses are not to be trusted.

2. Never feed wheat to frogs while wearing scarves.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tarkabxen Ladboptamhap.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tarkabxen Ladboptamhap.

5. Never feed grapes to swans while wearing white shirts.