Lunquattignak is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, two-faced meerkat.

Lunquattignak created dark matter six million years ago.

If you believe in Lunquattignak, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Lunquattignak, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Lunquattignak's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Lunquattignak's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no mice in a building before entering it.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Always look after injured grasshopers.