Fonbitfut Gedlanzig is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, passionate meerkat.

Fonbitfut Gedlanzig created tapeworms three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fonbitfut Gedlanzig, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Fonbitfut Gedlanzig, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Fonbitfut Gedlanzig's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Fonbitfut Gedlanzig's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about special relativity.

2. Fonbitfut Gedlanzig loves swans, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not wear tin on your body.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Feed all hungry mice.