Wotfabjam is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, compassionate chinchilla.

Wotfabjam created a charm quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Wotfabjam, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Wotfabjam, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Wotfabjam's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Wotfabjam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Always make sure there are no bats in a room before entering it.

4. Do not kill eagles.

5. You must never eat oranges.