Bemcutwig Cadcabbumcissduss is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, grumpy lobster.

Bemcutwig Cadcabbumcissduss created the planet Saturn eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemcutwig Cadcabbumcissduss, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bemcutwig Cadcabbumcissduss, he will be mildly annoyed.

Bemcutwig Cadcabbumcissduss' most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Bemcutwig Cadcabbumcissduss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in black rooms.

2. Rats are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Erect a giant red sculpture of Bemcutwig Cadcabbumcissduss in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never talk about quantum mechanics near horses while wearing mauve stockings.