Japnuttgud is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, all-knowing zebra.

Japnuttgud created the Milkyway eight million years ago.

If you believe in Japnuttgud, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Japnuttgud, she will turn you into a sheep.

Japnuttgud's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Japnuttgud's Holy Commandments

1. Learn three new languages a year.

2. Never jump in holy places.

3. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Japnuttgud on top of all buildings.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Feed all hungry gulls.