Funflapcim is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, strong newt.

Funflapcim created the Andromeda Galaxy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Funflapcim, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Funflapcim, he will turn you into a tree.

Funflapcim's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Funflapcim's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about hamsters.

2. Never hurt pigs.

3. Never think about planets.

4. Never wear turquoise hats.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.