Kinmadpan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, unfair octopus.

Kinmadpan created dark energy three million years ago.

If you believe in Kinmadpan, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Kinmadpan, he will send minions to preach to you.

Kinmadpan's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Kinmadpan's Holy Commandments

1. Kinmadpan loves birds, so they must be respected.

2. Never paint your legs fawn.

3. Retreat if three gulls approach from the north.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never talk about quantum mechanics near dolphins while wearing red trousers.