Vanlamnan is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, confident penguin.

Vanlamnan created a top quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Vanlamnan, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Vanlamnan, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Vanlamnan's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Vanlamnan's Holy Commandments

1. Vanlamnan loves sheep, so they must be honoured.

2. Erect a large silver sculpture of Vanlamnan on top of all buildings.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Never write about special relativity.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.