Loopjatgen is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, conceited chinchilla.

Loopjatgen created Asia eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Loopjatgen, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Loopjatgen, he will turn you into a sheep.

Loopjatgen's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Loopjatgen's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about dark matter near shrews while wearing fawn shorts and balancing nine lead spheres on your hands.

2. Never hop in the presence of otters.

3. Never feed turnips to seals while wearing violet tights.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate tortoises.

5. Do not covet oxen.