Laplatkapnarlwotstipbog is a god.

It takes the form of a small, unjust aardvark.

Laplatkapnarlwotstipbog created viruses two billion years ago.

If you believe in Laplatkapnarlwotstipbog, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Laplatkapnarlwotstipbog, it will come to you in dreams.

Laplatkapnarlwotstipbog's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Laplatkapnarlwotstipbog's Holy Commandments

1. Always help pigs.

2. Dogs are not to be trusted.

3. Never think about comets.

4. Never feed lots of parsnips to doves while wearing fawn coats.

5. Do not shave your legs.