Barnnellgan is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, prudent meerkat.

Barnnellgan created water five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnnellgan, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Barnnellgan, she will throw large rocks at you.

Barnnellgan's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Barnnellgan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Hide if eight pigs approach from the north.

3. Never talk about chlorophyll.

4. Do not wear iron on your body.

5. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.