Satfaghon is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, duplicitous gorilla.

Satfaghon created tapeworms three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Satfaghon, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Satfaghon, she will boil you in a big pot.

Satfaghon's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Satfaghon's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lemons to squirrels while wearing rings.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Do not take Satfaghon's name in vain.

4. Erect five silver sculptures of Satfaghon on top of important buildings.

5. Never run near sharks.