Quamnandid is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, proud dog.

Quamnandid created the cosmos nine million years ago.

If you believe in Quamnandid, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Quamnandid, it will turn you into a puffin.

Quamnandid's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Quamnandid's Holy Commandments

1. Learn seven new languages a year.

2. Never talk about fluid mechanics near bats while wearing yellow dresses and balancing eight zinc spheres on your face.

3. Never talk about birds.

4. Quamnandid loves frogs, so they must be respected.

5. Snakes are not to be trusted.