Futlapcab is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, astonishing rhinoceros.

Futlapcab created a strange quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Futlapcab, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Futlapcab, it will come to you in dreams.

Futlapcab's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Futlapcab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat tomatoes.

2. Never feed figs to tortoises while wearing magenta scarves.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Futlapcab.

5. Do not commit murder.