Ontnanarf is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, awesome coyote.

Ontnanarf created tapeworms two years ago.

If you believe in Ontnanarf, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Ontnanarf, she will throw large rocks at you.

Ontnanarf's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Ontnanarf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Ontnanarf's name in vain.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Ontnanarf.

3. Never talk about chlorophyll.

4. Do not sing in public.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.