Vagarnfig is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, idiotic alligator.

Vagarnfig created humankind three billion years ago.

If you believe in Vagarnfig, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Vagarnfig, it will have a very low opinion of you.

Vagarnfig's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Vagarnfig's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into magenta rooms.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Never wear pink rings.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not kill doves.