Flatxucksag is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, awesome pigeon.

Flatxucksag created matter two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatxucksag, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Flatxucksag, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Flatxucksag's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Flatxucksag's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick monkeys.

2. Do not shave your back.

3. Always obey Flatxucksag's priests.

4. Always help foxes in need.

5. Never talk about dwarf planets.