Tarcinbaf is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, selfish mouse.

Tarcinbaf created water nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarcinbaf, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tarcinbaf, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Tarcinbaf's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Tarcinbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about planets.

2. Do not wear gold on your body.

3. Tortoises are not to be trusted.

4. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Tarcinbaf on top of all buildings.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.