Zakhanvin is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, tiresome horse.

Zakhanvin created the planet Jupiter nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zakhanvin, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Zakhanvin, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Zakhanvin's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Zakhanvin's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in magenta.

2. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Zakhanvin loves mice, so they must be honoured.

4. Zakhanvin loves hamsters, so they must be respected.

5. Retreat if four voles approach from the north.