Legfiggan is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, omnipotent swallow.

Legfiggan created matter two million years ago.

If you believe in Legfiggan, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Legfiggan, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Legfiggan's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Legfiggan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never wear magenta dresses.

4. Put Legfiggan first in all things.

5. Do not drink water in mauve rooms.