Ontvanton is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, astonishing bear.

Ontvanton created humanity six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontvanton, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Ontvanton, she will turn you into a rat.

Ontvanton's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Ontvanton's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Feed all hungry otters.

4. Always make sure there are no manatees in a building before entering it.

5. Do not wear tin on your body.