Barnlan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, impressive salamander.

Barnlan created Africa six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Barnlan, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Barnlan, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Barnlan's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Barnlan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick mites.

2. Always treat grasshopers with great respect.

3. Never chant near great tits.

4. Never talk about dark matter.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.