Ladvonkbap Catvedyam is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, tranquil goose.

Ladvonkbap Catvedyam created a charm quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Ladvonkbap Catvedyam, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Ladvonkbap Catvedyam, it will turn you into a mole.

Ladvonkbap Catvedyam's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Ladvonkbap Catvedyam's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Ladvonkbap Catvedyam in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never talk about nucleic acids.

4. Do not kill squirrels.

5. Do not drink alcohol.