Dossig is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, deceitful giraffe.

Dossig created vertebrates three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dossig, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Dossig, it will turn you into a tree.

Dossig's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Dossig's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Hide from black mites for they are unholy.

3. Never sing near monkeys.

4. Always wear pink.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.