Vadlamkam is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, generous raccoon.

Vadlamkam created parasitic wasps four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vadlamkam, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Vadlamkam, he will curse you with boils.

Vadlamkam's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Vadlamkam's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not take Vadlamkam's name in vain.

3. Never talk about stars.

4. Pray towards the south.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.