Flatrakfeb is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, all-knowing walrus.

Flatrakfeb created the Small Magellanic Cloud three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatrakfeb, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Flatrakfeb, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Flatrakfeb's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Flatrakfeb's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention gulls.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate dolphins.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Never eat bark.