Funzogcab is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, bad-tempered aardvark.

Funzogcab created a photon four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Funzogcab, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Funzogcab, she will turn you into a goat.

Funzogcab's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Funzogcab's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about fluid mechanics.

2. Funzogcab must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not drink water in fawn rooms.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. Respect your elders.