Pakteenzed is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, cheerful ferret.

Pakteenzed created viruses six billion years ago.

If you believe in Pakteenzed, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Pakteenzed, it will destroy your home solar system.

Pakteenzed's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Pakteenzed's Holy Commandments

1. Horses are not to be trusted.

2. Put Pakteenzed first in all things.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate pigs.

4. Pakteenzed loves nematodes, so they must be respected.

5. Run away if seven dolphins approach from the west.